Defining Alpha Woman

There is no such thing as “alpha women” and “beta women”. In my opinion, “alpha” and “beta” apply only to men.

Lisa: “Deti, I’m not sure whether or not Alphas and Betas only apply to men, but what else would you call the female version of a male alpha?”

What you call an alpha female, I call a “quality girl”. She has a low partner count, is agreeable, personable, feminine, pleasant, and nice.

What you call a beta female, I call a slut or a b*tch. She has a high partner count and/or is vulgar, crude, abrasive, unpleasant, petty, and mean-spirited.

Some people call aggressive, masculine women “alpha women”. Around these parts they’re called b*tches.

Some call go-getter career women “alpha women”. Around these parts they’re called ballbusters.

Source: UMAN

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About Female Partner Count

A short but pretty accurate reflection on how women rationalize (aka LIE) about their partner count:

At their core, women most certainly do know that a high partner count is unattractive. That’s why they fudge it down. Look for things like this, it doesn’t count because:

  • I was drunk/high/stoned
  • he was drunk/high/stoned
  • I didn’t come
  • he didn’t come
  • he got whiskeydick and went soft
  • he didn’t finish
  • it was a one-night stand
  • I didn’t like it
  • it was just a BJ/titjob/handjob/rimjob
  • it was on vacation/spring break/travel/study abroad
  • he was an ex boyfriend
  • it was anal

Many women will say that only sober P in V sex within a relationship counts. Women should know the rule of thumb is this:

If you have touched his penis or any part of his body penetrated one of your orifices, you have “had sex with” him and he counts toward your partner count total. Note the above is disjunctive, not conjunctive.

[Clarification for women, most men consider] You had sex with him if:

  • he performed cunnilingus on you.
  • he fingerbanged you.
  • you fellated him.
  • you jerked him off
  • he had anal sex with you.
  • he tittyf**ked you.
  • he had P in V sex with you and pulled out and ejaculated outside your body.
  • he didn’t finish for whatever reason.
  • you did any of the above while either or both of you were under the influence of any kind of chemical.
  • you did any of the above while on vacation/spring break/away from home.
  • you did any of the above and kept it secret from your friends.

Source: UMAN

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The Software Versions of Marriage

A brief synopsis of Marriage 1.0, Marriage 2.0 and an RFC for Marriage 3.0. I found this comment on the Badger Hut About page.

Confidunce left the following comment:

People have gone from advocating “equality” to advocating for “sameness” because they think equality and sameness are the same thing. This has led to the masculinization of women and the feminization of men, thus leading to unhappy marriages, faithless women, etc.

To which Deti responded with:

Men and women are not the same. Equal before the law, yes. But they don’t think, behave or process information the same. They also don’t approach each other in the same way. The biological imperatives driving us are quite different. I did not get this until very recently.

MARRIAGE 1.0

Were pre-feminist marriages or LTRs “happy”? I suspect the answer is that like today, some were, some weren’t. I don’t advocate going back to the days when women could not vote, hold jobs, work in certain jobs, own property, etc. I do think that if men and women get married, the marriage works best and the participants happiest and most satisfied with the man and woman in their traditionally defined roles (man usually as breadwinner and provider/protector; woman rearing the children and caring for and making a home). I am NOT saying that a woman has to be barefoot, pregnant and unemployed to be a good wife. I am NOT saying she has to be a doormat. I am NOT saying the man has a right to beat his wife, or have sex with her against her will. What I am saying is that marriage works best when man and woman move into these roles. That is what is commonly called Marriage 1.0.

MARRIAGE 2.0 (Beta version)

I tend to agree with Athol Kay that what we have now is Marriage 2.0 in which men are at a decided disadvantage. To level the field, the man has to incorporate game into his life. Being a beta provider and bringing home a good paycheck ain’t gonna cut it with today’s woman. He has to lead her, insist on her subordination, and push back when need be. He has to lead her in sex. And he has to improve himself in his key weak areas and keep his market value high.

(In market value, the man has an advantage: a man’s market value declines far less rapidly and precipitously than a woman. His MV goes up and peaks in his 30s and 40s, then declines gradually as he ages. For a woman, on the other hand, her MV skyrockets from age 18 to about age 30; after which her market value plunges back to earth far and quickly. If a woman found herself widowed or divorced, she was (and is) quite unlikely to marry again. This is commonly known as “hitting the wall”. Marriage 1.0 protected women from this phenomenon.)

Staying the same will lead to wife’s loss of tingles, and that leads to misery, affairs, and divorce. When push comes to shove, he needs to demonstrate he can and will walk away if he’s not getting what he needs from his marriage; and then make good on the promise.

MARRIAGE 3.0 Alpha

We’re never going back to Marriage 1.0. If it can be done, Marriage 3.0 will probably look something like 2.0 with the following;

  1. mandatory paternity testing for all children born to a marriage on request of the putative father;
  2. elimination of alimony;
  3. proof that child support payments to custodial divorced parents are actually being used for child support, and
  4. more equitable property distribution in divorce (if wife gets house, wife takes over house payments and pays husband his share of the equity).

I suspect you, like I, would advocate a return to Marriage 1.0. I’d like that but it’s not likely to happen, at least not without other cultural or societal events or effects. Otherwise, the marriage rate will continue to decrease mostly because many men will decide (and have already decided) that marriage isn’t worth it and the costs and risks are too high relative to the benefits.

I say a man should show he can and will walk away from his marriage if he isn’t getting what he needs. This is showing the alpha traits women repeatedly keep saying (and showing) they want their men to have. Do you find this objectionable? He’s saying he won’t put up with her endless complaining. Is this objectionable?

It’s really no different from a woman deciding her husband is too beta, deciding she has no attraction for him anymore, and looking for sex elsewhere. This is played out millions of times in marriages.

I have told my wife straight out – if she ever cheats on me, or if I find she has ever cheated on me, I will drag her through the ugliest divorce she’s ever seen. And I will inform everyone I know of the reasons for the divorce. I love her. But I won’t tolerate being cheated on or cuckolded – not for one minute. And I’ll have paternity tests on the kids. And I will tell everyone I know that paternity tests are being done, and why they are being done.

Marriage 2.0 with paternity testing, no alimony and equitable property distribution is the only way to make marriage palatable and attractive to men. Without it, marriage as an institution will be dead, if it isn’t dead already.

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Ten Things Women Can Do Right Now to Improve Their Attractiveness

1. Learn how to make one meal. Spaghetti with a meat sauce, a vegetable, a salad, and a white wine. Simple and fast.

2. Improve the makeup you wear. Find a look that works for you and that you’re comfortable with.

3. Start growing your hair out.

4. If you are not sexually promiscuous, don’t start. If you are, stop. Stop right now.

5. Take a mental inventory of who you are and your life experiences. What is interesting about you? What do you like to do? What do you find interesting? The idea is that you’re trying to find things about you that you can offer a man besides physical appearance. Your appearance and allure will attract a man, but what then? You must be able to offer something aside from your appearance. Find out what those things are.

6. Stop reading and trying to implement sex and relationship advice from women’s magazines.

7. Compliment every person you see today.

8. Get to bed early tonight and get a good night’s sleep.

9. Get rid of one article of clothing that you like, but you know doesn’t look good on you.

10. Stop eating after 7 pm every night, unless you’re on an evening out.

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Ten Tips To Improve Attraction

1. If you’re in a bad relationship that’s going nowhere, end it right now. And then do not talk about her to any woman. If you need to bellyache, do it with a male friend.

2. If you’ve just ended a bad relationship, don’t rush headlong into another one. Be alone and unattached for a while.

3. Hit the gym. You will feel better, look better, and boost your testosterone levels.

4. Buy one new outfit that looks good on you and that you feel comfortable in. New shirt, new slacks, new shoes. Or, if you’re so inclined or your profession requires it, get a new suit, dress shirt and tie. Then give away to a local charity one old outfit that you no longer wear or that you can’t wear any longer.

5. Do something you’ve never done before, either alone or with a friend. Then talk about it to the next woman you see. (Make sure your chosen activity is legal and can be discussed in mixed company.)

6. Find one new male friend who understands Game. Sharpen him, and let him sharpen you.

7. Make conversation with the women around you. Move beyond “How are you?” “Fine.” Say something else. Change it up.

8. Pay attention to details: Your nails. Your haircut. Stray eyebrow or nosehairs. Your teeth. Your breath. Deal with them.

9. Take a road trip to someplace you’ve never been before. Then bring it up in conversation to the next woman you see.

10. Clean your house/apartment and keep it picked up.

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Advice To A Daughter About Boys

Taken from Danny’s Deti Advice page with permission. This is the advice Deti would give to his daughter:

Dear daughter,

I know you’ve talked to your mom about boys and sex. Now I want you to listen to me. All of what your mom told you is, I am sure, well and good. But I want to tell you about the nature of men and women. What I am about to tell you is not a judgment about you, about men, or about women. It is about our human natures. It is not good or evil, right or wrong. These are immutable facts of human nature. They cannot be changed or abolished.

Men and women are different. Men want sexual variety. You will appear attractive to many men. To men, most women — including you — will be at least somewhat attractive. But to you, most men don’t show up on your radar screen. They just don’t. You simply will not see most men as attractive. You will see a few as attractive sexually, some other men as “friends”. The vast majority of men will be simply invisible to you.

As a woman, you don’t really much care for sexual variety. What you want is sexual primacy. You want to find the best man you can get. At your core, you are looking for a man who you perceive is better than you are in some way — looks, earning power, educational level, social status, social or workplace dominance. This is called female hypergamy — the tendency of women to “marry up” or find ever-better men than the ones they saw or had before.

You hold the sex card. That means that you decide who you will have sex with, when, where and under what circumstances. In terms of your value as a woman, the sex card is the trump card. It is the greatest power you have. You must not use or play it capriciously, recklessly, or frequently. For reasons I’ll explain below, you cannot afford to do so.

Men hold the commitment card. This means the man decides on whom he will expend money, time and resources; when they will be expended, how much will be spent, and ultimately when commitment will be provided in the form of exclusivity and marriage. The commitment card is the man’s trump card. It is the greatest power he has. You should not be surprised that he does not use or play it frequently or recklessly. He cannot afford to do so.

The relationships between the sexes have much to do with deployment of these two cards and the tension between them. Women often use their sexual charms to persuade a man to give her time, money, resources and ultimately, commitment in the form of a long term relationship or marriage. By contrast, men often dollop out commitment and resources in ever increasing amounts (or, mistakenly, all at once) in an effort to get the woman to have sex with him. A woman must do two things for relationship happiness and success: Attract the man, and keep the man. Initial attractiveness depends on these things, in this order: Looks, age, and chastity. Keeping a man means you have to bring more to the table than just your body. You will need to cultivate a pleasing, interesting personality.

APPEARANCE.

Your attractiveness to men begins and ends with your physical appearance. I am sorry, daughter, but this is the way it is. You must do all you can to improve your physical appearance.

  1. Keep your weight down. It is not fair that women are judged more harshly than men for weight issues, but they are. Excess weight is the most challenging attractiveness issue women face. Many women could improve their physical appearance greatly if they would simply lose weight, or keep their weight at a reasonable level. To put it bluntly, don’t get fat.
  2. Learn to wear tastefully applied makeup that works for your skin tone and facial structure.
  3. Get a good hairstyle that works for your facial structure and body type. Long hair is more appealing to men than short hair.
  4. Don’t smoke. Don’t drink to excess. Don’t use illegal drugs. All that partying ages a woman.
  5. Learn to dress well for your body type. Wear clothes that flatter your body type.

Get help from a fashion consultant or cosmetologist if you need it.

AGE:

You will be more attractive in your teens and 20s than at any other time in your life. I do not care what anyone else has told you. All other things being equal, you will be more physically appealing at age 20 than at age 40. Nearly all women at age 20 have some level of physical appeal. They have smooth skin, they don’t have a lot of excess weight, and they probably have not yet endured the body-changing experience of childbirth. As you get older, you will become less attractive even if you take good care of yourself. It is simply a fact that your physical appeal and attractiveness will decline sharply between the ages of 30 and 45. A woman at 20 is much, much more attractive than she is at age 30, even if she has taken good care of herself and kept her weight down. Her attractiveness only decreases further at age 40, all other things being equal.

If you want children, it will be much easier to carry and bear them in your 20s than in your 30s or 40s. I do not care what anyone else has told you. It is better for women to have finished bearing children by age 35. You have a much better chance of having healthy children, and fewer health risks to yourself, if you have them in your 20s rather than later. Not only that, once you have the children, you will spend the next 20 years raising them. Better to have them sooner rather than later so you have the health and stamina to raise them.

CHASTITY:

The fewer sex partners you have had, the more attractive to men you will be. Conversely, your attractiveness decreases as your partner count increases. I don’t care what you have heard from anyone else. A man does not want to be a woman’s 20th sex partner for any reason other than to have sex with her. (When it comes to sex, every man wants to be Captain Kirk: he wants to boldly come where no man has come before.) He certainly will be far less inclined to view her as relationship material.

Men can tell which women have had a lot of sexual experience and which have not. The more men a woman has sex with, the less attractive she will find the man she ultimately marries (that’s if she can find one to marry her after so many partners). Studies show that women with high partner counts are higher risks for divorce. As her partner count increases, so too does the likelihood of unplanned pregnancy or contracting an STD. Don’t think you can beat the odds. You can’t. If you decide to have sex with lots of attractive men, your attractiveness will decline with each new partner. Even if you don’t get pregnant or contract an STD, your higher partner count makes you less attractive to men for anything other than sex. As you get older and remain unattached or unmarried, you will find it increasingly difficult to attract men. Before you know it, you will have squandered your most attractive years on men who would not give you the commitment you were trying to extract from them. You played your trump card; you showed your entire hand. And you are the one who has lost out.

The sexual marketplace puts different values on male and female sexual experiences. For men, increasing sexual experience boosts their confidence. For women, high partner numbers tend to harden and coarsen women. For reasons I’m about to explain, a coarse, cynical, jaded outlook on life is not what you want to cultivate when looking to attract and keep a man.

PERSONALITY, BEARING AND DEMEANOR:

To keep a man, you must offer more than looks, age and chastity. You must cultivate a pleasant personality. Optimism, cheerfulness and an upbeat outlook are key here. Men don’t want a pessimist, or a woman who complains and nags. Be kind, pleasant, optimistic and non-demanding. This is not to say that your needs are not important. They are. Just recognize that his needs are important too. Your wants and needs do not always come first.

Don’t be crass, rude, vulgar, profane, sarcastic or caustic. Don’t complain about his hobbies or interests. Men absolutely hate it when their women complain, grouse, or bother them about things. Men absolutely hate being around a pessimistic woman who can’t find anything good about her life, her circumstance, the people around her, or herself. Men do not like gossiping, sniping or sarcasm from women. Most of all, men absolutely do not want to be with women who act like, talk like or look like men.

INTERACTIONS WITH MEN:

Men display themselves to women. Women choose men based on the displays they see. Thus, you will be the one doing the choosing. Men will approach you and talk to you, chat you up. Almost all the time, it is because they want to get to know you with the ultimate goal of having sex with you. They are not talking to you for intellectual stimulation or to befriend you. They want to have sex with you.

You will not find most of these men attractive. You will have to reject the vast majority of them. A simple “I’m not interested” will suffice. Be kind. Do the rejection in private if you can. If you can’t, do it as quietly and discreetly as possible.

The men you will find attractive will be those who display confidence, power, charisma, and dominance. Just recognize that most other women will also find these same men attractive. There will be other women who will be better at attracting these men than you are. If you deploy sex to “get” these men and beat out other women, then about the only thing you can reasonably expect from these men is sex.

In relationships with men you will be governed mostly by your feelings, while men look to their thought processes and judgments. This is not a bad thing; it just is. Don’t make decisions based on feelings or your girlfriends’ judgments.

You will “fitness test” men. You will challenge them to see if they can stand up to you. If he gives you everything you want, he will have “failed” the test and you will see him as less and less attractive. If he ignores your tests or changes them back to you, he will have “passed” in your eyes.
It is your natural tendency to try to control your man and get him to do what you want. But if your man complies with your demands you will find him less attractive, because:

  1. It’s boring
  2. it’s predictable
  3. he’s needy

Men have a tendency to try to “be nice” to women, because society tries to pound this message into men’s thought processes. The men you will find most attractive are not those who are “nice”, but those who are independent and who don’t seem to need you. A man who professes to “need” you probably has a lot of issues you don’t want to get tangled up in.

Signs of a needy guy or “nice” guy:

  1. Buys you a gift or flowers on the first date or right afterwards
  2. Spends exorbitant amounts of money on your dates
  3. Contacts you the very next day for another date
  4. Tells you first that he loves you
  5. Wants sex right away, or wants to have sex every time he sees you
  6. Asks for permission to kiss you or make sexual moves
  7. Does everything you ask, when you ask, every time you ask
  8. Constantly asks “are you OK” or “is everything all right” or “are you mad at me”

You will need to break up with a man at some point. When this happens, the best way to break up with him is to simply say “I don’t want to date you anymore.” That’s it. That’s all you have to do. The reasons you will break up are:

  1. He’s seeing other girls and you don’t want that
  2. He’s no longer attractive
  3. He’s not as attractive as you thought he was
  4. He’s making sexual demands or moves before you are ready
  5. His life plan and goals are not compatible with yours
  6. You just don’t like him anymore

If a relationship is over, don’t spend any more time on it. Get out of it. If a date did not go well and you don’t want a second date, make sure you turn him down if he asks.

[Update:]

You must honestly assess your place in the SMP. Take a good hard look in the mirror. Your initial sexual market value (SMV) will depend on your appearance. Do everything you can to improve your physical appearance. Get and reach an honest assessment of your SMV on the 1-10 scale. You will be happiest with a man who is at or one point above your own SMV. You will not be happy with a man below your own SMV because your hypergamous instincts will reject him.

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Advice To A Son About Girls

Taken from Danny’s Deti Advice page with permission. This is the advice Deti would give to his son:

Son, I know you’ve probably talked to your mom about girls and sex. That’s fine, but I want you to listen to me. What I am about to tell you about women is not a judgment about women. It is about men’s natures and women’s natures. It is not good or evil, right or wrong. This is just the way women are. You must accept these as facts of the dating and sexual market. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change any of this. The best you can do is use these facts to your advantage and to help influence things to go your way.

I do not care what else you have heard or what others have told you. It is not true that women are impossibly complex and they cannot be figured out. In fact, once you master a few simple precepts about women, navigating their minds and hearts really turns out to be an easy task. These are immutable facts of life about women. They cannot be modified or abolished. They can be covered or masked for a time, but their attributes always come out.

All women are like this. Teenage girls. Elderly ladies happily married for decades. College students. Dull uneducated girls. Country girls who grew up on farms. City girls who grew up poor in ghettos and working class neighborhoods. The uptown girl with the designer clothes and Daddy’s Beemer. A girl on her first boyfriend. A girl on her 20th boyfriend. A woman on her fifth husband. Virgins. Sluts. Church ladies (especially church ladies). Housewives. Lawyers. Doctors. Businesswomen. Politicians. Teachers. Waitresses. Secretaries. Chief executive officers. It doesn’t matter their age, race, station, income, socioeconomic status or walk of life. They are all like this, despite their protestations that they are not.

Women hold the sex card. They decide when and under what circumstances sex happens. You hold the investment and commitment card. You decide how much time, money and resources you will give women, how much commitment you will give them, and when that commitment will be made.

Men display themselves to women. Women choose men based on the displays they see and discern. Your attractiveness to women depends secondarily on a few things: your environment, the ratio of men to women in your locality. But your attractiveness to women will depend primarily on the display you make to them: your body and how it looks, the confidence you have in yourself, your ability to dominate and influence situations, and your control over yourself and your circumstances.

Men are attracted to a woman’s physical attributes, youth, and a pleasing personality. Women are attracted to male confidence, dominance and projections of power and charisma.

The way you attract women is to be the best man you can be. Work on your body and keep it reasonably fit. At least make it look like you care about how your body looks. Do your own thing. Do things you enjoy. Get good at something. Do not sit on your behind at home, watching TV or surfing the internet. Get out there and do things, meet people and go places. Have a good cadre of male friends and when you get with a girl, DO NOT DITCH THEM. Have a life separate from your girlfriend. You want her in your life, but you do not NEED her. If she fits into your life, great. If she doesn’t, then end it and move on. Make a life plan for yourself and work on it. Decide what you want to be and work on it.

Do not listen to what girls say they want. I do not care what your mother has told you. The last thing you should do is “be nice, and be yourself”. Girls do not want “nice guys”. They want confident guys.

I do not care what anyone else has told you, or what you have learned in school. Men and women are very different. They do not approach sex or male-female relationships in the same way. A woman’s view of men is very different from your view of women.

Despite what you may have heard from women or read, women are not naturally monogamous. They are not designed to stay with one man. They are designed to seek out and be with the BEST man they can find.

You think that most girls and women are hot. You want lots of women — sexual quantity. To you, most women have at least a few attractive qualities, good enough to have sex with. And if you had the chance, you would probably have sex with more than half the women you meet.

Women are not like that. To women, only a small percentage of men are even remotely sexually attractive. They just don’t see most men sexually. And you get only one chance to make a first impression on a woman. Women have two categories for all men. Category 1 is “I would have sex with him.” Category 2 is “I would never, ever in a million years have sex with him.” A woman puts every man she meets into one of these two categories within the first few seconds of meeting him.

Therefore, most women will not find you sexually attractive. A woman does not really want lots of men. She wants the best men — sexual primacy. A woman goes through a series of men because she wants to find the best men. If she believes you are the best, she will select you until a better one comes along. What a particular woman believes is “the best man” is purely subjective to her. But the constants are: confidence, dominance, charisma, power.

Learn indicators of interest that women give you. Learn what they do that shows they are attracted to you. They are:

  1. Going out of her way to see you or talk to you
  2. Downward chin tilt when averting gaze
  3. Smiling, laughing
  4. Letting you into her personal space
  5. Light touching
  6. Fiddling with her hair or touching her face
  7. Hanging out with you or seeking you out to talk to you

If you don’t start seeing IOIs in five minutes, bail out and move on. And when a girl says she just wants to be your friend, she is really saying “I am not sexually interested in you”. And when she says this, politely bail out and move on.

You must remember at all times: THERE WILL ALWAYS BE ANOTHER WOMAN. You can always replace a woman. There are many, many women out there. When (not if, WHEN) one breaks up with you, there will always be another. If you approach and she rejects you, there will always be another. If a date doesn’t work out, there will always be another.

But don’t use your knowledge of women or the principle of female abundance to mistreat them. Don’t blow her off, be a jerk, be rude, or be arrogant. There’s no reason for that. If you do that, word will get around about you, and women will avoid you.

You are going to be rejected a lot. You need to accept that now, deal with it now, and DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

Girls are going to break up with you. There is no getting around this. When this happens, you need to accept it, take the time to get over it, shake it off, and move on. If you did something to cause it, find out what it is (you will know what it is). If it was wrong or counterproductive, correct it so you don’t do it again with the next one. Don’t beg her to stay with you. Don’t ask for another chance or tell her you’ll change. Whatever you do, DO NOT get hung up on the idea that this girl is the only one for you. It is not true. If she did not like you, another one will. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE ANOTHER WOMAN.

DO NOT make heavy commitments to a girl you just started dating. Don’t spend lots of money on her. Don’t tell her how much you like and love her. Don’t give her all your commitment all at once. Hold back until it’s appropriate. Even then, never, ever let a woman use you or walk all over you. If she can withhold the sex, you can withhold the commitment.

You are going to face fitness tests. She will challenge you to see if you can stand up to her. Simply ignore those tests. Don’t respond to them. If you cannot ignore them, laugh at them. Change the subject and talk about something else. Or turn it back to her in question form. Whatever you do, don’t give her what she wants. When you give in, she will know she can control you — and your relationship is doomed.

You will have to break up with girls. There will be many reasons for this.

  1. She is able to control you, probably because you’ve failed too many fitness tests. You’ll naturally bristle at her controlling you. Just end it. The relationship’s probably too far gone anyway.
  2. She is cheating on you.
  3. Her goals aren’t compatible with yours.
  4. For whatever reason, her life does not fit in well with your life.
  5. You just don’t like her anymore.
  6. She nags and complains at you all the time.
  7. She makes unreasonable demands on your time, attention, money or resources.

When you end it, do so firmly and kindly. Just say something like “I don’t want to date you anymore.” That’s all you have to do. If you want to tell her why, tell her succinctly with not a lot of explanation. Don’t offer to let her “change”. Don’t hold out the possibility of “getting back together”. Just end it if that’s what you have decided needs to be done. And remember: THERE WILL ALWAYS BE ANOTHER WOMAN.

[Update: ]

You must honestly assess your place in the SMP. Take a good hard look at your strengths and weaknesses. Play up your strengths and downplay your weaknesses. Get and reach an honest assessment of your sexual market value (SMV) on the 1-10 scale. You will be happiest with a woman who is within a point up or down from your own SMV.

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State of the (Deti)Nation 1

Deti added a short biography in the comments on the About page today. I’ve copied that information and placed it into it’s own page called Who Is Deti? for future visitors.

Earlier this week I got the following (edited) message from a reader called ceniak:

Hey, pal.
You cannot just like that stop writing articles like those. I follow full consciously your LJBF and I feel my balls back on their place thanx to you. KEEP GOING. I need more stuff like this.

Thanks for the feedback Ceniak. I do intend to continue as time allows. In case you haven’t noticed, it isn’t simply a matter of cutting and pasting Deti’s comments on a blog. The context of those comments are important and I try to convey that as well.

I’d also like to thank everyone else that has commented and provided links to their favorite Deti comments.

If I’m moving too slow in updating this blog, visit the About page’s comments for links to additional content.

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Marriage Risks vs Rewards

This discussion took place on Dalrock’s post Never marrieds piling up part 2. Deti offers some good advice on marriage, the “facts of married life” and what should be common sense.

My position [on marriage] is this: You make a choice, you stick with it. Man or woman. But a lot of women don’t want to make hard choices, and then they don’t want to live with the good or bad consequences that flow from them. A lot of men are figuring this out.

I got married 16 years ago with no red pill. To make a very long story short, I didn’t make the best choice in a wife. I didn’t do the best job of vetting. I probably married too early and there were things Mrs. Deti didn’t tell me about before we married. Had I to do this again, I probably wouldn’t. I’ve been given some lemons and am doing the best I can to make lemonade with them. That’s life, really. I made hard choices. I’m doing my best to live with them and so is Mrs. Deti. FeministHater is partly right. I’m not so much lucky, it is that Mrs. Deti and I are CHOOSING to make the best of the consequences of hard choices we made.

Most women are shielded from making hard choices. And when they do make hard choices, most women are then shielded from the adverse consequences of those choices. The way I have made this work with Mrs. Deti is simply by requiring her to make her choices and then requiring her to walk those choices all the way out, good and bad.

But this is life, really. You choose to be a teacher over an engineer? You will work long thankless hours for low pay. You choose to be a lawyer over an actor? You will work long hours, the pay is good, and you get glory, but it’s drudgery and scut work much of the time.

Marriage is no different. Cupcake wants to marry F**kbuddy Rockbanddrummer? Fine. He’ll bang you till you can’t walk. Fun, fun fun, excitement, drama and intrigue. It’ll be nonstop tingles, honey — until he cheats on you with the groupie with the tight abs and the silicone tits. And that’s just the one you know about. You’ll be poor, because F**kbuddy is a shitty provider, so you’ll always have to work. Also, if you have kids with him, he’ll always be part of your life when the inevitable divorce happens.

You want to marry Ernie Engineer? Fine. He’ll love you and you’ll have a couple of kids by him. It will be boring, mundane, routine. He’s not as much fun as F**kbuddy, but Ernie comes home every night and does his one chore, giving the kids baths. He takes you on your week vacation somewhere. After your second one is born you don’t have to work because Ernie’s earning more at work so you can be a SAHM. You can’t afford a maid or a nanny, but Ernie is working from 7 to 7 every day and is tired when he gets home. So you will have to do 90% of the housework. You will need to run the house. You must do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, dusting, ironing, laundry and picking up. If you don’t know how to do those things, you will need to learn how. Ernie’s also not as good looking or as drama filled as F**kbuddy. The sex isn’t as good as with F**kbuddy. But Ernie loves you, and he stays with you, and he provides for you and the kids.

The problem is that women want F**kbuddy to have Ernie’s work ethic; or Ernie to have F**kbuddy’s long c*ck and I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude. But you’ll have to make your hard choice, and learn to live with it.


A couple of observations, FWIW:

1. A lot of what you read here and elsewhere in the manosphere is justified venting, outrage and frustration over the current state of marriage and relationships in the US, and the dire shortage of marriageable women. A lot of people have seen this coming for a long time; it’s here, and it’s not improving. If anything, it’s worsening. There are many, many causes for this which I won’t go into here. But the effects are devastating:

  • a. Legions of young men with no societally sanctioned sexual outlet. They can’t even get a date, much less get a woman to marry them. They are at the nadir of their sexual market values, and they live in a romantic and sexual desert. I remember those days clearly. They were EXQUISITELY painful. I cannot even tell you just how painful they were, and I don’t think women can come close to relating to the level of pain that kind of rejection and deprivation inflicts on a man. And I can tell you this — If this society doesn’t get a handle on it, we will be looking at collapse on a scale we’ve never seen before. For now the lid is on it, through anesthetizing such men with online porn and video games, and minimum wage cubicle jobs that pay them just enough to cover the rent and their hobbies. That die may already have been cast. I fear we’re headed to complete collapse and nothing we can do will stop it, frankly. I think we’re headed there because these legions of men have nothing to invest in, no reason to improve, and literally nothing to live for other than getting drunk, fapping, and reaching the next level on Call of Duty 4. That scares the hell out of people like me.
    .
  • b. Slutty, vapid, self-absorbed women who live for their Louis Vuitton handbags and truly don’t get how f**king 20 or more douchebags is detrimental. (One wonders how if they truly don’t get that, then why do they lie about it? Why not advertise it and wear it like a badge of honor?)  [Deti expands on the detriments of sluthood here]These women are literally destroying their MMV with every hookup and they act as though they don’t give a shit. Moreover, they are thoroughly masculinized, adopting the worst behaviors of men. Then these entitled bitches stand around wailing and whining about “where are all the good men” and truly blinkered about why some beta provider won’t offer a ring and a date on bended knee.

2. By necessity, marriage has become increasingly a risk-benefit analysis and a task in risk management. Yes, marriage has great rewards for men: a helpmate, regular sex, propulsion of your genes and heritage into the future, a sense of accomplishment, a sense of belonging in your community and your society. But those rewards require great investment and commitment from men. They require enormous outlays of work, time, sweat, and money from men. And those rewards were most likely to be extended when society protected men’s investment and commitment.

Our society no longer protects men’s investment and commitment in his marriage. Once he marries, he is not protected, but rather EXPOSED to great risk. His society no longer gives him any assurances or protections.

Yes, his risk might pay off. Yes, he might reap great rewards from marriage. But what if he is wrong? What if she simply decides she does not want him or love him anymore? What if something goes wrong? A reversal of fortune, a job loss, a devastating injury, a medical problem, another more alpha man she finds more attractive whom she decides to cheat with in a moment of female weakness?

And even if he is not wrong, he must work and work to be alpha enough for his wife. He must prevent her from getting unhaaaappy. If he cannot do that, and she stays with him, she will be miserable. She will make him and their children miserable.

The stakes are incredibly high. This is the single greatest risk he can ever take. If he makes the wrong call on this, he will lose everything he spent years working for. He will lose most of his money. He will lose his home. He will lose his children. And there will be nothing he can do to stop it, control it, or mitigate the damage.

Everything he has, everything he owns, everything he spent a lifetime working for and earning, the futures of his children, all of it — is riding on a woman’s haaaaappiness, tingles, and feelings of security.

And so, more and more men are looking carefully at it and saying — ” No. That deal isn’t attractive to me. The risk is too great. The possible rewards are simply not worth that level of risk.”


Sunshine asks:

I have a question for the married men. On balance, would you say that the benefits have outweighed the risks for you personally with respect to marriage? Have the rewards been worth the hassle?I have a question for the married men. On balance, would you say that the benefits have outweighed the risks for you personally with respect to marriage? Have the rewards been worth the hassle?

Deti’s reply:

The answers will depend on the men answering and their experiences.

For me: The benefits have outweighed the risks personally and the rewards worth the hassle, but not by much. My wife and I recently have been through a hard, long slog that has tested our marriage hard (not adultery – had that been the case she would simply have been auto-dumped. Adultery gets the automatic kick-to-the-curb.) I had to make some very, very hard choices and in the end it came down to reasoning back to biblical principles and making hard risk benefit analyses based on our personal situation. Our marriage won’t be the same after this.

I can tell you this: If I had it to do over again, I probably wouldn’t. If I ever find myself single again, I’ll never marry again. I won’t recommend marriage to any man unless he wants children, and even then, I would advise him to consider strongly whether he really wants children.


Joshua asks:

Deti, how can you cay the benefits outweigh the risks given your final paragraph?

Deti replies:

Simple risk benefit analysis again. Decisions on whether to marry or not, or whether to remain married or not, are not made in a vacuum. They are based on guiding first principles, known facts, current situation and surrounding circumstances, history looking backward, and projections going forward. You take all of that, consider it, pray even, and then reach a decision. Overall, the benefits of remaining married outweigh the risks given my personal situation.

And the risks are not just those to me, either. I have to consider the risks to my children, for whom I am responsible — not just to feed and clothe them; but to educate them, instruct them, and prepare them for lives in a world I understand far better than does their mother. In many ways my children are at far greater risk than I. It is my responsibility to reduce and manage those risks to them as best I can. I can do that much better living with them than I can not living with them.

 

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12 False Claims About Women

Dalrock’s post What Do HUSies Want continues to coerce Deti into yielding nuggets.

Here are some false claims about women which the manosphere has utterly destroyed:

1. Claim: Women are altruistic and good, always seeking the good of others.

Truth: Women SOMETIMES are altruistic and good, and SOMETIMES seek the good of others. Women can and often do act ruthlessly in their own self interest.

2. Claim: Women do not lie about sex.

Truth: Women can and do lie about sex, their sexual histories and their pasts. A woman can and will lie about her past history and her partner count if she deems it to be to her advantage, or to avoid shame or guilt. It is often said that women are rarely honest about their partner counts and find creative ways to fudge their counts downward.

A good way to get to the truth about a woman’s partner count is to use the following formula: Multiply her admitted partner count by 3. Another thing to consider is that most women include in their partner counts only sober P in V “relationship” sex. The true partner count is reflected in the number of men whose penises she has seen or touched, his penis penetrated any of her orifices, or she participated in any act ending in the vernacular “-job”. If she’s touched his d**k, she’s “had sex with” him, and it counts.

3. Claim: Women want soft, kind, gentle sex and need to be treated with delicacy in the bedroom. Missionary position is the only appropriate position.

Truth: Women like soft sex only sometimes. Most prefer vigorous sex and really get off on it. And most women really like the rear entry or “doggie style” position because it requires her trust and submission. Most also like woman on top because it lets her control most of the movement.

4. Claim: Women want to be equals in the bedroom and they don’t like giving BJs.

Truth: Women want a man to dominate them in the bedroom. Most are not into BDSM, but most women want to be told when it is time for sex, they want to be told what to do and how to do it. Most women like to give BJs if they are told to do it and how to do it.

5. Claim: Women never cheat on boyfriends or husbands.

Truth: Given the right circumstances, right man, right time, and low odds of detection, many women can and will cheat. And she cheats for different reasons than men do. Men who cheat do so for sexual variety. Most women who cheat do so because they have lost attraction for their BF or husband.

6. Claim: If a wife cheats, it is because her husband is being unkind to her or has driven her to cheat.

Truth: If a wife cheats it is because she has lost attraction for her husband. And she has probably lost attraction because he isn’t leading her and acting dominantly in the marriage.

7. Claim: If a wife cheats, it is easy to restore the marriage.

Truth: Wife cheating is nearly always fatal to a marriage. It is more than her losing attraction. Once a woman has lost attraction for a man it is nearly impossible for her to feel that attraction again. Both husband and wife know that once she has broken the marriage and sought sex from another man, she has fully, totally and completely rejected her husband. She has sent the message to her husband that another man is better able to satisfy her. Another man is better, stronger and more suitable. Her husband is not good enough and an unacceptable mate. It is nearly impossible for a marriage to recover from such utter and complete rejection.

8. Claim: Women are always kind and caring to their husbands or boyfriends.

Truth: Women are sometimes kind and caring. But, women have a capacity for verbal and emotional cruelty than men cannot even approach. Once a woman is no longer in love with a man, she moves on from him and forgets him as easily as if she had never known him.

9. Claim: Christian women are different, more spiritual and less hypergamous than nonChristian women. Christian women are better suited to marriage and motherhood because of their spiritual discipline and training.

Truth: In terms of attraction, mating and basic sexual behavior, Christian women are no different from their secular sisters. They’re Christian, but they’re still women. Hypergamy is far worse among Christian women because they are raised from young childhood as “daughters of the King” and taught to “never settle” for just any man. They are told from childhood that God is “preparing a man just for you” and he will be perfect because God is perfect and God makes no mistakes and God is not a man and does not lie. In marriage, many Christian women are fed scriptural support for their beliefs, requiring the man to love sacrificially and unconditionally, but he must earn her respect.

10. Claim: Christian women are less prone to divorce than nonChristian women.

Truth: This is only somewhat true. The US national divorce rate is around 50%. The divorce rate for all those claiming Christ is 38%.

11. Claim: Christian women never have sex before marriage.

Truth: Given the right man, right circumstances, right time and low risk of detection, many Christian women will be willing to have premarital sex. Certainly not all do, but many have.

12. Claim: Women never act selfishly.

Truth: Women are capable of acting in their own self interests as much as any man. A woman is fully capable of fraud, deceit, manipulation, cunning, lying, ruthless self-interest, obfuscation, rationalization, shading the truth, and more. if she believes it to be in her interest or to her advantage.


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