Women who cheat on their husbands, having hot monkey sex with a badboy thug while playing the role of the faithful wife, are even worse than those who cheat and then seek divorce. Those women are not only cheaters, but also liars, deceivers, connivers and manipulators. I also don’t think they can keep it up if they have husbands who are paying attention. Is it any wonder that men worry about their wives cheating?
Certainly, not all women are like that. There are enough women who are exactly like that. And that’s a big part of the problem, IMO.
Agree with your statement about Christian men being expected to “warm it” at home. All this has really made me rethink the “Fireproof”/Promise Keepers movement. Even among Christian communities, men are expected to do all the work, bring all the assets, make her feel loved/safe/protected/provisioned. She need only bring….. her awesomely awesome self. The woman’s “virtue” and devotion to the marriage are presumed. If there is something wrong in the marriage, it is presumed to be the husband’s fault. The church attitude of “love your wife as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her” is translated by many women — and even pastors — as “the man/husband has to do everything for me, give me everything I want/need/desire, and cater to my every whim.”
What is conveniently omitted is the exhortation for wives to respect their husbands — which, IIRC, St. Paul states FIRST, BEFORE the instruction to men to love their wives.
On Dalrock – Is Frivolous Divorce Overstated
Follow up comment: December 30, 2011
“Pregnancy is a more harmful implication, but the problem I had is that I’m basically tired of seeing men, with usually loose morals, claim that male adultery is not as bad; ”
Christian morality draws no distinction between a man cheating on his wife, on one hand, and a woman cheating on her husband. In God’s eyes according to Scripture, both are equally reprehensible. But from a purely evo-bio standpoint, there are differences, and male adultery is not as threatening to a marriage as a wife’s adultery. Leave aside moral considerations and let me explain.
A man bears more risks, and more severe financial and other risks, from his wife cheating than she does if he cheats. The primary risk he bears is the potential for cuckoldry: being forced to support a child that is not his, with the full knowledge of the wife and her keeping that knowledge from him. This is simply because of the nature of female sexuality — she can have sex with men in succession and conceal the true identity of the father, and in fact not really know who the father is. She can also hide a clandestine affair from her husband, she knows the alpha interloper is the sire; but defrauds her husband into believing he is the father.
See the story of David and Bathsheba, in which David tells Bathsheba’s husband Uriah to go home for a time (i.e. “go have sex with your wife”) on his return from the battlefrontier. Why did David do this? Obviously, to help conceal his sin. If David had knocked up Bathsheba, he wanted Uriah to sex her up so everyone, including Uriah himself, would believe Uriah was the daddy. That’s I Samuel or II Samuel, I think.
The only way a husband can be sure the child is his is through DNA paternity testing. If the husband cheats and impregnates another woman, there is no chance the wife will be defrauded into supporting the other woman’s child. By contrast, there is a very real risk the wife can defraud her husband into supporting a child that is not his. This is a risk the wife simply does not run, and will never have to run.
There are differences in why husbands and wives cheat. If a husband cheats, it is usually for sexual variety. He has no intention of divorcing his wife. He simply wants some sex on the side, a fling, or a ONS. He is committed to his wife and has no intention of offering any kind of commitment, emotional or otherwise, to the fling or the ONS. (I know, I know, Jennifer, you’re gnashing your teeth and saying BAD BAD BAD JERK AMORAL ASSHOLE CAD PUA WAAAAHHHH WAHHHH WAAAAAH. I told you to leave the morality aside. Let me finish.)
It’s different when a woman cheats. When she cheats, she’s checked out of the marriage, She is 100% done with her husband. By the time she decides to offer her body to another man, she has nothing left for her husband. She no longer loves him (assuming she ever did love him or care about him in the first place), she feels absolutely nothing for him but contempt, hatred and derision. Before this she’s run the gamut of emotion with her husband: anger, asking him to “change” or “be more attractive”, then demanding that he “change”, threats, emotional distancing, girls nights out, marriage counseling, even trial separation. (Note that SHE demands that HE do things to make the marriage better. In her eyes if the marriage is having problems it is ALWAYS HIS FAULT. She is never held to account for her part in any marital problems.)
When she cheats, she is preparing herself and her body for a new husband and a new lover. When she cheats, she has moved on and is looking to fulfill the female imperative of serial monogamy — she’s done with this one and now wants the next one.
This is why wife cheating is worse than male cheating. When a wife cheats, it almost always means the end of the marriage. This is why when a man cheats, the wife wants to know “Do you love her?” Because the wife knows if he loves the other woman, he will invest in her (not the wife). He will want to give the other woman his time, his resources and his money. Almost all the time, he has not had sex with another woman because he loves the other woman. Rather, he had recreational sex with the other woman and is still in love with and committed to his wife.
But when she cheats, the husband wants to know “did you have sex with him?” Because if she had sex with him, she has severed her bond to her husband and bonded or sought to bond with the new man. Severance of that bond means she does not want the husband, does not love him and does not care about him or his feelings. Once she has severed that bond, it cannot be reconnected absent the most extreme effort, and he knows it is over. If she had sex with the new man, he knows that he no longer has any claim on her heart. And when you get right down to it, if she has had sex with another man, he knows that she has rejected him as not alpha enough and not a sufficiently suitable candidate to impregnate her with his seed.
That’s why wife cheating is far more threatening than male cheating is.
I don’t agree that husbands should be allowed to cheat on their wives. The sole purpose of my comment was to explain how and why wife cheating is more threatening to a marriage than husband cheating from an evolutionary biology standpoint. It should not be construed as a justification for husband cheating.
Husband cheating has its own problems: possible diversion of some husband time and resources, spread of venereal disease, possibility that he will impregnate the mistress.