This series of comments originated on The Private Man’s Contact page when another commenter called SEAL debated the value of game. I added formatting to the comment make it more presentable.
SEAL, leaving aside the obvious attempt at shaming language you heap on PrivateMan, you suggest a couple of things:
- that Game is merely a tool to bed women; and
- that Game’s practitioners live a lie and don’t really know who they are, and are thus incapable of true relationships.
I think you’re wrong on both counts.
(1): At its core, Game is not, as your posts suggest, a form of manipulation to get women into bed. There are some who form elaborate lines, routines and choreography to do that, but that is only one part of what Game is. In my estimation, Game is a mindset, a frame if you will, that responds to and explodes the myths and lies that we men have been taught for two generations.
Chief among these lies is that if we are Nice Guys™ and we just act as ourselves, women will flock to us. Our parents, our teachers, our civic and religious authorities, our society, lied to us that we needed to be unfailingly nice and pleasant to all women, that we had to suck up to them and put up with their unreasonable demands, and give them whatever they asked for. We were told that if only we did these things, we would find That One Special Woman™ and she would love us forever. We were also told that if it did not work out with That One Special Woman™, no one else would ever love us, and we would be relegated to a life of loneliness and involuntary celibacy.
These are nothing but pretty lies.
We tried these things. We tried wooing girls with the “nice guy” treatment. They did not work. What worked was our inner game, i.e. becoming the best men we could be through our work, improving our physical bodies, and exercising our minds, to project outer confidence and dominance in the spheres we live and work in.
We learned about the true nature of women. Most men are not even remotely attractive to most women. But nearly all women are at least somewhat attractive to most men. Women are not naturally monogamous, but are hypergamous (i.e. they seek the best men they can get for sex and relationships). If a man tingles a woman, she’ll be attracted to him. But if he no longer tingles her, she’ll seek another man who does. Women initiate 70% of divorces. The laws are heavily rigged in favor of women to protect their hypergamous choices. Women rarely say what they really mean.
Women are able to formulate a rationalization for everything they do, even if it fails every moral, social, relationship, religious, or societal standard. And they can cause that rationalization to make absolute, perfect sense to themselves, even in the face of boatloads of conflicting factual evidence. Women deploy emotions and feelings where men employ logic and reason. Women are the gatekeepers of sex; men are the gatekeepers of investment and commitment. Women are drawn to male displays of confidence, social dominance, power and charisma. Men are drawn to women with the attributes of youth, physical appeal, chastity and fertility.
These are the ugly truths we have faced and accepted.
(2) On the contrary, those who don’t practice inner and outer game are those who don’t truly know who they are. They have no idea what they can do once armed with the truth. Living the pretty lies places an unnatural veneer over a man, and prevents him from showing his true self.
- It is only when he understands his own nature and that of women, that he can truly know himself.
- It is only when he can cast off a relationship that no longer works for him, and then stand on his own alone, that he can know what he can do (and do without).
- It is only when he can say he doesn’t need the woman, that he can know himself. And then, knowing himself, he can offer his true self to a woman on his terms alone, and she can accept or reject as she sees fit.
I can say I’ve learned more about myself, and what I can do, in the last three months than I’ve learned in the past 25 years as a man.
SEAL, nobody is pulling a fast one here. No one’s defrauding anyone else (or, at least, men are not the ones doing the defrauding). Men get in this game to get sex. Women get in this game to secure a man’s resources and commitment. This is how it has always been. It is just that the rules have changed in the last 30 or so years. It used to be that the exchange was above board and clean — sex for commitment/money, and vice versa, FOR LIFE.
In the past 30 years, the woman secures the man’s resources and commitment — but only for as long as she wants them or decides she needs them. And the current laws in the United States reflect this. The new rules say she can leave anytime she wants, for any reason she wants. Usually, she wants out because
- her husband/LTR boyfriend is not sufficiently alpha.
- He doesn’t make enough money.
- He’s gotten older, fatter and balder.
- He lets her make the rules.
- He cowers and rushes to her aid every time she is upset, angry or agitated.
- He gives in on every fight or disagreement.
- He’s been down on his luck or unemployed for a while.
- He’s stressed out because he hates his job and he’s tired all the time.
- He does whatever she wants, whenever she wants.
- He’s at her beck and call all the time.
So she breaks up or initiates divorce proceedings, taking half of his stuff and income, and ruining the children’s lives and her own in the process. She continues taking his stuff and income, while ending his sexual relationship with her.
Men started getting wise to this. They noticed their wives saying things like “I’m unhappy” or “I don’t find you physically attractive” or “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”. And they started figuring out why — it was because they weren’t accepting their dominant roles in their relationships with their wives. Single men noticed they could not get second dates. Men noticed that showering girls with attention and niceness only drove the girls away or creeped them out. They noticed that the ROI was pretty low on buying girls drinks, meals and gifts. They started figuring out that women were asking questions to which they did not want direct answers or challenging them to test their mettle as men (also known as fitness testing). And these single men started figuring out that they had been lied to — that everything their parents, society and authorities had told them was simply not true.
Women do not want nice guys. Wives do not want supplicating, groveling betas. They want men who can stand on their own two feet. They want men who set the course of their relationships and marriages. They want men who will tell them no when necessary. They want men who will not put up with their shit. They want men who know what they want and pursue it. Wives want some beta in their husbands, but they want more alpha — more independence, more dominance, more leadership, more assertiveness.
That’s why Game is much more than a tool to get women in bed. That’s why Game helps men know who they truly are.
And another thing, SEAL:
You accuse PrivateMan of narcissism. I think that’s incorrect. A healthy regard for oneself is not narcissism. Recognizing one’s own strengths and successes is not narcissism, particularly when those successes are put out for public consumption in a public forum for others to study and perhaps to replicate. Acknowledging improvements where there had been shortcomings before is not narcissism.
Betas are taught to be subservient, subordinate and supplicating. They are taught and conditioned to subordinate their own desires and sacrifice themselves, sometimes for undeserving, ungrateful women. Unlearning those behaviors is a difficult thing. Learning to love yourself after a lifetime of being taught you should hate yourself and your desires is a difficult thing. Learning to put your own desires first and not prioritize others above yourself when they haven’t earned it is a difficult thing.
So I think a little self-love and self-regard is not uncalled for.
Source: The Private Man Contact Page originally posted June 29, 2011